September might as well not even exist. By the time I recover from “back-to-school” syndrome, the Holidays are looming, and I’m dreading the onset of winter. I would like to report that I am stripping the last of summer out of the incredibly mild days we’ve been enjoying recently while completing all the tasks I set for myself this season.
I’ve been wringing my hands and wondering how I will survive the winter and what I am supposed to do with my life now. I’ve been fighting ghosts. I’m sleeping an indecent amount of time, and developing terrible health habits. I have to do better; I do not have time to be depressed or neurotic. I’m wise enough to know if I continue down that path it just gets worse. I do enjoy following the spirit and focusing on whatever needs attention as needed each day, but I lose my footing after a while. I need the religious, every day practice of a routine to stay focused and not get distracted by the trees, while I maneuver this wilderness.
I have plenty of reasons to get a schedule established to keep us all on track. Summer Vacation is over and it’s time to get back to the business of school, and winter, and tackling this pile of paper work that is haunting and taunting me day and night.
Rather than trying to turn our life around on a dime, which tends to create a lot of resistance and usually ends falling flat in a tails, you loose sort of way. This go-around, I intend to gradually introduce habits into our daily lives in hope that the most important ones will stick.
Over my lifetime, I’ve amassed an arsenal of practices to keep me from toppling over the edge into suicidal depression. I use them regularly to facilitate healing and get myself balanced, but have not as of yet re-developed a daily practice even though I am no longer on the run. Possibly because I am a lazy, silly person, who gets distracted too easily, or possibly because I am finally having more days when I can focus on right now instead of worrying about what *he* will do next, so I can focus on re-building my life. I am certain that if I put some extra effort into once again establishing some of these things as an everyday part of my life, my attitude, health, and life in general will improve substantially.
In one month’s time I will reach the epic age of Forty-Two. I doubt that I’m ready for Ascension, Translation, or Self-Realization, but it is certainly time to prepare! Rather than allowing myself to wallow in despair and self-loathing, and to keep my mind off the impending winter and most importantly to facilitate creating a healthier lifestyle for myself and my children I intend to adopt one good habit, or reject one bad habit each day until my birthday. I should be a whole new me by the time my birthday rolls around, and prepared psychologically, if not physically to take on winter by the time winter sets in.
It’s sort of like a New Year’s Resolution, but hard core, and on my own personal New Year. Mind you, some of these things I do regularly but not every day even though I know that they help with our well-being. So a lot of them will seem like some bone-head obvious stuff, yet my forgetfulness does not always allow me to thrive. After years of abuse and suppression, as I wasted my life investing my heart on lies, I somewhere lost my faith in mankind. I was the fool that thought the point was to love people. I now understand how entirely traitorous the heart of man is, a realization which often leaves me with little will to survive. So why would I bother? I’ve been waiting for *him* to show up and kill me.
I’m working under the assumption that as body, mind, spirit are one, and working on one level will work on the other levels as well. I hope to add a couple practices to each level each week to keep things balanced. I’m gradually inserting these practices into my/our daily lives until we find a schedule that works for everybody.
I’m putting a lot of thought into what order I need to adopt this stuff to gradually create a functional daily routine. Honestly, I put some tough ones up there right away because I feel they will create the best results long term. 7 Tibetans, always make me feel a little queasy, but I think it is because of some unhealthy health habits have caused some issues with my body that can be resolved if I am more mindful of my diet, which will be undergoing some changes beginning next week no doubt. We’ve already started baking again…
Morning Prayer seems to get lost in the shuffle, but it always makes the girls happy so I think it is worth the effort. Oil-pulling is rather disgusting, but it removes a lot of toxins so I need to just be happy with it. Task List- Feels so overwhelming and pointless, (I’m whining) but it’s going to focus my attention and keep me on point; I really need to use this tool to be more productive.
I am allowing a little lenience to swap a goal for one I have planned later on in the month as needed to support and facilitate sticking with the other goals. I don’t expect everything to work for us, but hope that we can adopt the things that help and leave the rest behind. To live is to change. Why not change for the better?